Dear Mr Ambrose Weckkinbeck

I seem to be a target for spam lately.  Yesterday I got a text message from a ridiculously long phone number reading:
@===@
)"EID" )
/ "Mub /
(arik" (
@===@
I think that @ and = thing is supposed to be a scroll.

It reads:

"May Allah bless U and your family!"


Well that's nice. Couple of points though,

1. I'm not a Muslim, or in fact religious in any way shape or form
2. I'm not rabid enough to text back "die godless A-rab" either

So whatever they were hoping for - ie. "Thank you brother, may Allah bless you as well" or "I will find out where you live and git you just like Osama", they ain't gonna get it from me.

Another couple of points. They can't spell Eid Mubarak properly but they did send it at the right time, as Ramadan has just ended. A little bit of research goes a long way.  I'm guessing it's just a run of the mill spam thing, but I can see some people receiving it happily, and sending back "Eid Mubarak blessings to you too.  Just one thing, who are you and how did you get my number?" or freaking out completely and throwing the phone over the ranch fence and running in the general direction of Alaska.

My next spam adventure happened this morning when I received a totally official looking (*insert sarcasm here*) email from Mr Ambrose Wekkinbeck. Well, with a name like that I can't help but be reassured of its authenticity. It just sounds like the kind of name you can trust. Not made up at all.

Here is an excerpt of this earnest letter written by good natured people who just want to get my "missing funds" to me so they can sleep at night, knowing they have done the world a great service.

"Due to this lost of Funds of your's which was suppose to be given to you but failed to."

When I studied grammar at primary school, high school and university, not once did I dare consider indulging in any number of these cardinal sins. This person deserves to be tied up in a small room with an audio recording of "Introduction to The Grammar of English" for desecrating a poor defenseless sentence.

Apparently, the object of the exercise is to fleece people out of anything between $180 and $396 to cover "shipping fees" for an ATM card. That's one heavy ATM card. If anyone is stupid enough to pay an exorbitant shipping fee to an illiterate stranger with a made up name, they really can't blame anyone else when their accounts get drained. I guess you could call it a stupidity test.

That said, I feel quite sure there is a special circle of hell reserved for spammers and identity thieves. And I'm not even religious.

They end the last part of the email with "Thanks and God bless you and your family."

Spooky eh?

So, in the interests of reciprocating this earnest outreach of human goodness, here is my response (posted here only, not emailed!):

Deer Mistir Ambrowse Wekkinbecc,

!Git Stuff'd.

yorz sincerelly,
LjPPPPPP

technorati tags: spam, eid, mubarak, text, scam, funds, bank, bad grammar

We're Not Going To Take It - Twisted Sister

In the 1980s the parent group PMRC (Parents Music Resource Centre) formed from the "Wives of Washington", tried to ban songs containing 'obscene' lyrics, targeting Twisted Sister along with 15 other bands they dubbed "The Filthy Fifteen".  These parent groups (one of which included Tipper Gore) attempted to use the courts to censor rock music into oblivion.  Had they won the case, the PMRC would have chosen which music is appropriate and not appropriate based on their own particular values.  As a result of these hearings, the "parental advisory" stickers were born.

Note:  Dee Snyder says one swear word in this documentary.  I'm sure you've all heard it before but if you don't want to hear it, don't watch it!






The Glee Project doing "We're Not Going to Take It" by Twisted Sister.
This is not particularly appropriate as music for an "Idol" style reality TV show considering the history and the subject matter of the song.

This song was written to take a stand against the establishment, against narrow minded people and against unfair censorship.  It's a song about Rock N' Roll, freedom of speech and the right to choose your own destiny. 

Glee on the other hand is paint-by-numbers, establishment-endorsed karaoke, not Rock N' Roll.
And no, pretending to break a plastic guitar doesn't count. 

The fundamental problem with this picture is that PMRC would probably have endorsed Glee and its inoffensive, sanitised "Musical Theatre" show.

People on you tube have said that this Glee Project clip "Rocks".  They wouldn't know Rock music if they tripped over it.   


Here is the link to the actual song, performed as nature intended:
We're Not Going To Take It - Twisted Sister

technorati tags: twisted sister, we're not going to take it, glee project, glee, dee snyder, tipper gore, PMRC, parental advisory, explicit lyrics

Winter!! Uggh!! (Boots)

Uggh!!  It's winter.  So instead of saying "ugg" perhaps it's time to start wearing them!!

I'm sure I'm not alone in not liking winter one little bit. But, it is a good time to stock up on essential winter wear.  Can you be fashionable AND cold?  Methinks so....

Winter Essentials:

Polar fleece blanket

Winter Essential #1: Polar fleece blanket
Perfect for putting over your knees in the car during those chilly early mornings.  Use them on the couch, on your bed for extra warmth, the possibilities are endless!

Ugg Boots

 
Winter Essential #2: Ugg Boots
Keep your toes toasty with fleecy uggs this winter.  Comfy for wearing around the house and getting cosy in front of the fire.


For some extra style points, get the Jimmy Choo Ugg

Jimmy Choo Ugg

American Eagle Outfitters Wool Coat

Winter Essential #3: Woollen Coat
If you are wandering around the place and it's 5 degrees outside, it's woollen coat time. I predict a resurgence of wool this year...

Wool scarf

And last but not least, Winter Essential #4:  Wool scarf
Protect your neck and ears from the cold with a warm and stylish scarf.  Top off your look with warmth and style!

technorati tags: wool, winter, scarf, jimmy choo, ugg, ugg boot, wool coat, fashion, accessories, style, polar fleece, polar fleece

Loser Macaroni Rascals

As you may already have guessed, I am a fan of translations.  Especially when the result fails to convey the correct meaning of what you are trying to translate.  Especially especially when that result is funny....

Our friends at TVFix have put together an awesome collection of badly translated tv titles.   I feel it is my duty to share them with you:

GLEE = LOSERS
Curious English-Russian translation, however I'm inclined to think that Dave Grohl may agree with this one.
 

JERSEY SHORE = THE NEW JERSEY LIFE OF MACARONI RASCALS
Only Japan could come up with this one.  And I Love them for it.  I can be a macaroni rascal myself when I am hungry enough.  Oh, not that kind of rascal...

THE BRADY BUNCH = THREE GIRLS, THREE BOYS
This is a German translation, Germans being known for their outlandish wackiness.  If they wanted to be pedantic, they should have called it three girls, three boys, one lady, one man and one maid who makes wisecracks.  But they probably didn't have enough room...

BEWITCHED = IN LOVE WITH A WITCH
(German translation) I'm sure many people have had this problem. At least they didn't call it "Nose Wiggler"...

MURDER, SHE WROTE = MURDER IS HER HOBBY
Suddenly I'm looking at Angela Lansbury in a new way...  She seems so nice and unassuming... This is also a German effort.  Again, they must have run out of room from trying to call it "Writing about murder is her hobby"...

KNIGHT RIDER = EL AUTO FANTASTICO (THE FANTASTIC CAR)
I'm willing to go along with this one.  That car IS pretty fantastic...


And I've saved my favourite one for last:

THE X-FILES = AT THE BOUNDARIES OF REALITY
French translation.  Talk about taking the awesomeness out of a title.  Why didn't they just go with "Exciting stuff that nobody ever hears about",  "FBI guys with torches who discover weird things", "Nobody believes me that aliens are actually real", or "Even though I have an implant in my head I seem quite normal to passers by".  Again, probably a space thing...  (yuk, yuk!)

Awesome Feng Shui

I have somehow managed to strike gold with my Feng Shui search, all I was looking for was plants for balconies and outdoor furniture configurations.

What I found however, was this brilliant gem of what I would assume/hope are erroneous machine translations:

"Feng Shui to help you see how to become Warren"

Good.  That's something I've always been wondering about.


"Do not tank, and the home clash fortuna"

Ok, I promise.  I won't tank.  It sounds kinda dangerous.


"...The toilet, as fierce caused the most scary."

I may just never go in there again.


"...investors are ecstatic, including many never fried anyone"

I know this one, its a Doobie Brothers lyric...


"Non-home Feng Shui is Not Never Trap"

...and hippocampus sends its regards to your kumquat hamster flap.


Following the site's advice to 'fix' a balcony, all you need do is:

"cut the so-called days of evil...just like a knife cut in half the roof..."

Sounds like a lot of work. I think I'll just put in a jade money plant and be done with it.

All text in bold quotations credited to "fengshui-lab.com"

technorati tags: feng, shui, feng shui, balcony, jade plant, chinglish, machine translations

Melvita Floral Waters

Melvita have created a beautiful range of certified organic floral water containing all natural ingredients sourced from organic farms.  These organic cosmetics are perfect for those who want to move away from chemical-based cosmetics and skin care and support organic farming in the process.

The floral waters are distilled from dried or fresh plants to preserve the unique aromatherapy benefits and healing properties of each plant.  French women have used floral waters as part of their skincare for hundreds of years.  Perhaps it's time we caught up!

The most popular in the Melvita floral waters range is the Eau florale de Rose (Rose Floral Water)

Rose Floral Water

This delicate floral water can be used for skincare or aromatherapy purposes.  The floral water is distilled from rosa damascena petals, known for their astringent and anti-aging properties.

Other floral waters include chamomile for dry skin, lavender for normal/combination skin and cornflower to calm irritated skin and pamper the under-eye area.

If you are thinking of making the switch to organic skin care products, you will be choosing products that are natural, safe, free of petrochemical derivatives.

Best of all, you will be supporting organic farming, using an all-natural product that is free from pesticides and is readily biodegradable.

Buying Skechers Shape Ups

I have been wanting to try out Skechers Shape Ups for ages now!  Finally I got my chance in December last year and I haven't taken them off since!  Okay, well I did take them off to sleep.  But apart from that, I wear them when I walk short distances, longer distances, I wear them on the treadmill at the gym - basically whenever I get the chance.

Now to address the claims of XF (Extended Fitness) Skechers Shape Ups:

















Burns more calories - I can definitely confirm that these shoes help to burn more calories.  I have lost around 3kg (6.6lb) since wearing these shoes.  And that includes still eating chocolate, ice creams and croissants!

Tones Muscles/Improves Posture - This is the area where the shoes really come into their own.  How can a shoe tone muscles?  Well, it's all about the posture.  The shoes improve the posture, straightening the back and activating under-used muscle groups.  Muscle groups I never knew I had, in fact!!  Since I've been wearing the Shape Ups, my back is stronger, my calves are thinner and my ankles have become more tapered. 

The shoes simulate walking on soft sand, the bottom of the shoe rolling to create a more natural walking movement.  The shoes are so comfortable that I find myself creating excuses to go for a walk!  My shoes are the XF (Extended fitness) type and they sit at number 1 (lowest intensity) on the burn meter.  Check the burn meter for the intensity that's right for your lifestyle.
    

Burn Meter Ratings

XF (Extended Fitness For Walkers) - Burn Meter #1 (lowest intensity)

XW (Extended Wear - For Working On Your Feet All Day) - Burn Meter #1

AT (All Terrain For Trekking) - Burn Meter #2

SRT (Skechers Radius Trainer For A Higher Intensity Workout) - Burn Meter #3

S2 (Lightweight Design For Super Calorie Burning) - Burn Meter #4 

The Original Shape Ups (To Supercharge Your Workouts) - Burn Meter #4 (highest intensity)

technorati tags: skechers, shape ups, buy shape ups, workout shoes, toning shoes, tone muscles, shape up,skechers walking shoes