Keep Your Hands By Your Sides At All Times...

On a recent trip through a couple of train stations in Melbourne, I needed to visit the bathroom before the train arrived. I emerged from the cubicle to face the "mirror" which was, in this case a sheet of lumpy polished metal. I've never understood the purpose of those things. Why pretend it's a mirror? Why not just have no mirror at all? Perhaps they thought the wall looked bare, I don't know.

I mean, I look into this thing and I can tell yep, I'm still the same height.

And that pinky/yellow blob up the top - that's probably my face.

The halo of dark stuff is my hair I presume...

And that's pretty much all I can tell. It's probably me in the reflection but I'm not 100% sure.

I could have a streak of mascara running down the length of my face and have absolutely no chance of spotting it. The first I'd know about it would be if someone told me or conversely, if someone kept their mouth shut about it but sniggered uncontrollably every time I turned my back.

So, after NOT looking in the mirror I start to walk down the ramp near the platform, swinging my arms enthusiastically as it is known that swinging your arms while you walk burns more calories.

I'm swinging away happily and...

THWACK!!

Oh no.

The back of my neck goes cold.

I've somehow managed to swing my hand smack bang into some poor guy's goolies.

Oh my God.

What does one do in this situation?

What's the etiquette?

This is the sort of thing they don't teach you at finishing school.

I can't say "sorry" because that would expose the fact that I am prepared to acknowledge that I've just swung my hand into his nuts.

God, how embarrassing.

Say something? What would I say anyway? Er...

"No, that wasn't your imagination. I truly did just whack you in the nuts just now...
But the good news is I wasn't carrying my umbrella in that hand. Oh, and by the way, I'm not some weird-ass girl who goes around randomly smacking people in the nads just so I can apologise... because that would make me really... um... worrying."

On second thoughts, don't say anything.

Keep walking. Oh, God, why does this have to happen to me? What was he doing walking that close and on that angle? He saw I was swinging my arms... didn't he? Don't make eye contact. I don't want a face to put to this excruciating episode. I don't want to know what he looks like.

Walk faster.

Stare straight ahead.

Act nonchalant and blend into the crowd quickly.

Maybe this is God's way of telling me not to use public transport.

technorati tags: public transport nightmare embarrassing nad whack

GPS Tracking

I don't know about you but I find that surveillance and GPS tracking can be mighty useful. I just watched "Firewall" the other night. How does Harrison Ford find his kidnapped family? By following the dog's GPS collar microchip on his laptop screen.

Now, I'm not suggesting people should get themselves microchipped, but if your are wanting to track something (or someone! - ooo, play X-Files music here!), then this little device is quite nifty and could come in handy when you least expect it. Like when you're being pursued by aliens and you need to find the rendezvous hiding spot. Or if you are trying to find your dog because the end of the world is coming and you're in the car with Bruce Willis. Or any other situation far more plausible than the ones I just mentioned (but you never know!)

These easily concealed, pocket sized GPS Tracking devices get their signals from 24 Department of Defense GPS satellites and are accurate to 2.5 metres, updating every second (I told you this was X-Files-ish!!). Strong magnets inside make it possible to place underneath a car, and it is also water resistant. When you have the information you can turn on a computer (or laptop if you are speeding across the desert on a mission) - and plug in the tracking key into your USB port. You can then follow the progress in real time on your screen, using the existing technology of Google Earth.



This post brought to you by LandAirSea.

I Only Date Democrats...I think...

I have seen these t-shirts for sale previously - for those who want to wear their political affiliations on their sleeve (pun intended).

The donkey, symbol of the Democrats. The elephant, symbol of the Republicans. The t-shirts denote political leanings and separate the population into potential dates or...not.

Today I found this:





Perhaps its for swinging voters (haaaaaaaaaa!!!!)

It would be fun to wear this t-shirt just to confuse everybody. I guess it opens up the field a bit...

technorati tags: i only date democrat republican t-shirt shopping

Free Twitter Backgrounds!!

I recently joined Twitter and realised my background needed work. I designed my own and now I've been having some fun creating a bunch of free Twitter backgrounds for you to use.

Feel free to share, etc.

- Click on theme and open in new window
- Save to desktop (or wherever you like!)
- Go to Twitter account
- Choose "Settings"
- Choose "Design" tab
- Upload your image from your computer
- Save!

2008 Beijing Olympics Theme



Golf Twitter Theme



A great way to design your own Twitter page is to start with free textures and go from there. Textures provided by:

http://www.imageafter.com/
http://www.cgtextures.com

Here are a couple to get you started:


Circuit Twitter Theme:



Smash Twitter Theme:





Have fun!

Related:

• How To Make Money Tweeting

Follow me on Twitter:

technorati tags: custom twitter layouts, backgrounds, free twitter backgrounds, free wallpaper,clip art

How to make money with Twitter - turn your tweets into profits. Free guide.


More Twitter Backgrounds

Studded Real Leather Belt

The last 'leather' belt I purchased on Ebay turned out to be 100% real vinyl, which is why it broke within about 2 months.

I finally snagged the perfect leather belt on Ebay. After delivery, on close inspection I found it to be real leather - yippee!!

These belts can go for $20-$80, I'm sure there are more expensive versions around.

$1.99 + $7.00 postage.

SUCCESS!!


...dig that funky bedspread!

technorati tags: leather belt ebay shopping

Beware of Tram Leaflets

Last night, I was standing on the tram, holding my umbrella in one hand and holding on to the pole with the other.

I noticed an intriguing pamphlet sticking out of a document holder on the pole near the door. It said in big letters "DID YOU KNOW?"

I let go of the pole with my hand and started to pull it out, trying to get a look at the words underneath.

Suddenly the tram lurched forwards, causing me to fall backwards and hit the glass divider behind me.

The tram stopped again and I gathered myself together. I looked at the pamphlet in my hand.

What was so important and intriguing, I wondered, that the action of reading it had caused me to let go of the pole and fall over?

I held on to the pole firmly and read:

DID YOU KNOW?

...more people hurt themselves on trams than on a trapeze? But why?

...the answer is pretty simple - trapeze artists hold on.

...we care for your safety so

PLEASE HOLD ON WHILE STANDING

and stay safe on the tram.

technorati tags: tram safety leaflet

Finding a Certified Expert

Owning your own home is just the beginning - you may find yourself up to your eyeballs in directories looking for general contractors such as flooring specialists, roofing specialists, tree loppers, heating specialists and plumbers. The question is, how do you know your expert will have the right qualifications?

The ClickSmart directory contains a listing for various contractors. The ClickSmart contractors are listed as certified experts and licensed in the state in which they do business. For example, the listing for Miami general contractors will be for contractors licensed in the state of Florida. The contractors are also required to be in good standing with the Better Business Bureau, which makes for a better experience when choosing the right person for the job. Remember to do your research before you commit and you will save yourself a lot of difficulty in the long run.