Astronomical Gifts

The theme today is "SPACE!"  What kind of space, you say?  Surface space?  Room space?  Yard space?

No, I'm talking about space itself.  You know, the great unknown, the heavens, universes, mutiverses, string theory, brane (M-Theory), quantum physics and did you know that we're not really here but exist in many dimensions at once and we're all made of material that fits on something smaller than the head of a matchstick.

...sorry, got a bit carried away there.  Back to the pretty stuff:

When I was a kid, I created a "Starlight Zone" display on my ceiling, replicating the solar system in orbit.


Can we possibly improve on this?  Um,... yes.


Japan Trend Shop and friends have come up with the R2D2 star projector.  Over 60,000 stars, X-Wings, Tie Fighters, Star Wars characters and hours of fun.  And it runs on AA batteries, just like the real R2D2 (?!?!?) tee hee!!

R2D2 Planetarium Projector

The lovely people at Vintage Confections / The Original Planet Lollipops have out-nerded the lolly gods and created a brilliant set of solar system lollipops.

The Original Planet LollipopsTM Solar System

And just when you thought the awesomeness had finished...


Some folks believe the earth is flat.  Still.  Well, they don't believe in climate change, anyway.  Some believe dinosaurs didn't exist, despite fossils and stuff.

Despite human stupidity, science has provided us with a few tips.  The earth isn't the centre of the universe, orbits are ellipses, not perfect circles, and a big-assed meteorite probably wiped out the dinosaurs.  Don't believe me?  Here's proof that stuff from outer space ends up hitting the earth at some point or other...

Meteorite

Apparently, some meteorites being sold online are not genuine meteorites.  I know, shocking, right?  So how do you check if your meteorite is the real deal?

According the the knowledgeable people at Aerolite, these are the things to look out for:

1 - If it sticks to a magnet, it could very well be a meteorite.  It's not a guarantee but it helps!
2 - If it has holes in it (or 'vesicles') or is porous/grainy it's probably not a meteorite.
3 - If is H-E-A-V-Y, much heavier than normal rocks of a similar size, it probably is a meteorite.

Otherwise, you might just have a normal rock that's been spray painted silver or a piece of hematite.  Which, although pretty, kind of defeats the purpose of having an extra-terrestrial rock in the first place!



What space stuff would be complete without the answer to one of the most important questions in the universe... "Are we alone?"

Yeah right, we live on a planet the size of a speck of specky specky stuff in a big specky ball of universe-y stuff and we think we're the only ones?

It's funny how the skeptics tend to lean towards us being alone in the universe/multiverse/multi-multi-megaverses when the law of averages says its more likely we're not alone.

Oooh, spooky.  No, not really, just logic.

Anyway, the truth is out there in the form of.... Alien soap!!!

The folks at Bubblegenius have come up with a rather amusing gift basket in the form of... Alien abduction!!!

Alien Abduction Soap Gift Basket

Please note that no cows were harmed in the making of this gift basket.  Literally.  It's vegan.  And they glow in the dark!  The cow doesn't glow because it hasn't been irradiated by the aliens yet.

I can't say that it's going to be a particularly vegan experience for the real alien abduction cows though... Did I just say that?  Uh oh...

Nothing to see here...

Thingy Whatsitcalled

***Zap!!!***

What was I talking about?

Dang...

technorati tags: astronomy, space, aliens, alien abduction, gifts, novelty soap, meteorite, how to spot a meteorite, galaxy, space theme

Foodp*rn and How Australia Lost It's Bullsh!t Detector

Foodporn is something I was not aware of up until recently.  (Hello, Pinterest!)

Every time I have studied pictures and recipes of "Thai Curry" or "Shiitake Stir Fry" I have been watching foodp*rn.  Who knew?  I love food, and apparently foodporn as well.  I suppose there are worse vices than collecting images of the perfect pasta bake.

So what does that have to do with Australia and bullsh!t detectors?

A while ago, but not too long ago, there was this thing called a "restaurant".  When you got hungry, you turned up at a "restaurant" and because you were in Melbourne, the erstwhile capital of good food, pretty much everything was nice quality, cheap and didn't give you food poisoning.

You could even go to a restaurant and be handed a menu instead of getting it Ninja thrown at the side of your face and one could have a smoke after the meal without freezing one's proverbial off.

But then something happened...  Something that needs to be addressed, stopped and reversed immediately on pain of death.  

A Fish and Chip shop became a "Fish and Chippery", which gave the owner licence to turn a massive $2 butcher's paper roll of gargantuan chips into a dinky twerpy little folded box with 12 chips in it.  For $5.

They started calling places "Boumerange" instead of restaurant so they could charge $9.50 for a scone.
...and I don't even like scones.

Just the other day at a nice looking establishment I ordered a muffin that was doughy and uncooked, and pretty much inedible, but for some reason I was supposed to bask in the rare privilege of being seen in the luminous presence of a hideously overpriced dogbox, and it would have made no difference had I complained because they were all out the back watching Masterchef on their iPads.

So somewhere along the way it stopped being about making food that customers actually liked, and became about the "Head Chef" (formerly known as a "Chef") trying to work out his signature dish so he can get a Michelin star one day in the near distant never never never ever.

And now restaurants have gone from cosy, welcoming eateries to some kind of futuristic veterinarian's operating table so you have to strain trying to see the menu properly with the sun gleaming off 10 metres of burnished steel that is powerful enough to signal the "Spirit of Tasmania" on its return journey.

On top of this, you have the indignity of having to dress up like a sulfur crested cockatoo in mating season to get the waiters to notice you signalling them, and by that stage you have given up and gone to Bakers Delight.

The irony of being treated like crap by someone who is being exploited for $8 and hour cash-in-hand under the table, just so they can say they work at "Wankella By The Bay" and presumably impress someone who gives a rat's arse is beyond any kind of logic.

So what happened?  We became try hards.  That's right.  Ponces.  Twerps.  Snobs, dorks, pretentious bogans.  There's probably no going back now, at least for those already compromised.

Perhaps it was the introduction of Foxtel to Australia.  Foxtel brought us American game shows, talk shows, cooking programs, reality shows, fear (I mean "current affair") shows and "Fair and Balanced" (aka. "propaganda") news reporting.

Can it be all traced back to Rupert Murdoch, who, through the medium of TV, newspapers and more TV, is attempting to turn us into American talk show audience members from "Donahue".  Possibly?

I'm not quite sure of the exact connection but I'm sure it's there somewhere.

The United States on the other hand, has developed shows like "Mad TV" and "Reno 911", demonstrating not only a rudimentary understanding of irony, but a full mastery, worthy of Blackadder's finest hours.

Australia is fast losing its sense of irony, sarcasm, wit and ridicule in favour of ignorance, apathy and cashed-up-bogan-ness.

The world is upside down, it seems.

Oh and just to add insult to injury:

McDonalds and Dominoes have "head chefs" apparently (yes, his name is Joshua and he has a rather virulent strain of acne), and these "restaurants" now have "SIGNATURE DISHES".  I had to write that in capitals just so you could read the start of the sentence again and try and put it with the end of the sentence without banging your head on the nearest table.

So... to clear up a few points...

No, I'm not into the "Slow Food" movement, I actually just need to cook this for a long time because that's how the recipe goes.

I do not want "Smashed Potatoes" ferfuggssake!!  It's a potato that has been squashed.  If you tell me it tastes any different I will test out the theory that plates of smashed potatoes hurt more than plates of mashed potatoes when thrown at someone's face.

I like sun dried tomatoes.  I think the distinction "semi-dried tomatoes" is taking it a bit too far.  They look the same as the sun dried ones but cost $2 more a kilo.

I don't really want any quinoa.  Or kwweeenwaaaaahhhhh!!  Or however the crap you say it.  I don't even like porridge and I will probably like it less with the introduction of a grain that tastes weird and soapy unless you soak in under a banana leaf for 14 hours and wash it with baboon tears until clean.

A barista is another word for "wanker".  I don't care how many times you get the "perfect drip", you are one.

Let me reiterate:

You-make-coffee-in-a-coffee-shop.

And finally, I will most definitely be skipping the "Marinated Feta With Bush Dust".  I mean seriously, I love feta.  But bush dust?  It conjures up images of bulls, dust and the inevitable movements of bulls after eating too much grass.  Perhaps the bull made the mistake of eating "Grass Jus With Strawberry Cow Pat Couli", I suppose that would explain the urgency.

I will leave you with a memory of what Australia once was, and perhaps a brief glimmer of what it could become, if we just put down the truffle mandolin and start again:

technorati tags: bullshit meter, masterchef, foxtel, murdoch, fast forward, sbs lady, restaurant, truffle mandolin, phat phuc noodle bar

QOTSA New Song: My God Is The Sun - Album: Like Clockwork

I have possibly broken YouTube with my constant hitting on the "repeat" button.

QOTSA.

My God Is The Sun.

For the first time EVER I have pre-ordered an album.

Get it here:


Listen and Enjoy:

technorati tags: qotsa, queens of the stone age, like clockwork, my god is the sun, josh homme, dave grohl, keep your eyes peeled, smooth sailing

Karl Pilkington For Pope

Well, they have elected a new Pope.  I'm not Catholic myself (thank God!) - hahahha irony alert!!!

As much as I don't care for the machinations of organized religion, I had an idea on who the new pontiff could be.

If anyone has seen "An Idiot Abroad" you will know who I am talking about.  If not, you may be a little perplexed.

I thought it would be a great idea if Ricky Gervais, as part of his usual "trick Karl Pilkington into doing something he really doesn't want to do... for a laugh", somehow got Karl to become Pope for a day, or perhaps a little longer.

I have put together a picture of what this might look like...

Not sure if the Vatican allows mobile phones but I think Karl might be needing one at this point!


Feel free to share, we may be able to get something going here...

technorati tags: new pope, karl pilkington, karl pilkington for pope, pope karl, vatican, 2013

The Ultimate 80s Room

Last night I decided to light a candle on the balcony since the mosquitoes have been out in force these past few nights.  I tried to get a plain yellow citronella candle but all I could find was this "hovex colour change citronella candle"

I lit the candle and watched in wonder as it changed in colour from blue, to red, to green, to yellow... and so on.

I looked under the candle case, trying in vain to work out how on earth this thing manages to change colour without letting me know the secret.

This entire process made me think of how as a kid I tried to figure out how holograms work.  And then it made me think of 80s goodies, and how I used to have an E.T. hologram.

My partner chuckled about this and said, "An E.T. hologram?  That just might be the most 80s thing you can possibly own."

That seemed like a challenge:  How 80s can you get?

I closed my eyes, detecting the faint whiff of leaded petrol, cabanossi, Passiona, green slime chemical residue that you can never get off your hands, super hold extra chlorofluorocarbon hairspray and Impulse "Mysterious Musk"...

and thought... Could I possibly create: The Ultimate 80s Room?

1.  Neon Telephone
It's 80s, it's spooky, it's nuts.  And if you don't like it you can stomp on it like Axl Rose in that Guns N' Roses film clip.


2.  E.T. Doll
E.T. represents every kid's desire to contact life forms from outer space, and possibly leave the earth of the 1980s until grunge happens.  
Actually, I think Drew Barrymore kind of did that.


3.  Galaga/Ms PacMan Table game
A dream come true, galaga is awesome, and even though Ms PacMan is slightly sexist, it's an ok game. Apparently all women wear red lipstick, run in heels and have a bow in their hair.   


4.  Starlight Zone Stickers
It's not enough to know there are stars (and planets) up there.  You have to see them when the lights are off.  It's almost like the roof has disappeared and you can see out into space...  almost.


5.  Neon bar sign
Who doesn't want a neon bar sign?  And you can practice flipping cocktail shakers just like Tom Cruise! That is, the Tom Cruise who hadn't yet become a couch jumping, insane Scientology nutbag.


6.  Bamboo chairs
Nothing says "home" like bamboo.  In fact, bamboo is like a lot of things from the 80s.  Big, cheap and it gets completely out of control if left to its own devices.


7.  Gremlins Toy
Mogwai and Stripe.  Did you know, Gremlins is actually a pretty deep film if you watch it carefully.  I'm not joking, there are some pretty profound statements about society hidden in there.  Don't believe me?  Watch it.  ON VHS!!!


8.  Hot pink rug
The colours to focus on:  salmon, coral, hot pink, salmon, coral and salmon.  Rule of thumb, if it's good enough for Don Johnson, it's good enough for your 80s room.


9.  Lightning globe
I can create lightning at will!  
I am invincible!  
I can touch lightning and not get burned!  
I am THOR!


10.  Boom box
Yes, a real one.  You can't cheat and use your ipod boom box docking station.  These boom boxes have to be used properly - and that means playing tapes on them.  The highest level of technological advancement allowed is "auto reverse".




"USB?  Where we're going, we don't need USB, ipods, bluetooth, wireless, dongles, social media, apps or anything else like that.  In fact, I don't even know what those things are because they haven't been invented yet."

There are a couple of rules of thumb for designing the ultimate 80s room.

If it looks like a technicolour neon peacock threw up on it... twice... you are probably on the right track.

I encourage you to try your own Ultimate 80s room at home, but first make sure you have taken safety precautions.  Play Eurythmics, not Duran Duran.  Choose a neon phone but not neon socks.  And most importantly, don't feed anything in your room after midnight.

technorati tags: 80s, retro, 1980s, 80s theme, 80s decorating, et, neon phone, lightning globe, boom box, ghetto blaster, salmon pink, Don Johnson, neon cocktail sign, Tom Cruise, galaga, ms pac man, table arcade, starlight zone, gremlins, mogwai, bamboo, rattan, wicker

Come Fly With Me

Here are some travel-themed decorating ideas to get you thinking about travel, escape, holidays and freedom.

Atlas Cushion Covers

When I was little, I always loved atlases. I used to decide on places to visit, and sometimes I just closed my eyes and pointed at a random city or country to see what came up.  Hours of fun!

Pirate Tea Towel

This beautiful tea towel will remind you of a pirate's beard.  

Cold, wet and kinda scratchy...      and possibly containing treasure...

Time Travel Is Yesterday's News

For the "other" type of traveller.

"You Are Here" Doormat With Google Pin

Just in case you didn't know, this will make it perfectly clear where you are.  It's easy to get confused in this time and place, and sometimes you just don't know where you are without the help of Google, and a slight dose of sarcasm.

technorati tags: you are here, google pin, travel, pirate treasure, tea towel, doormat, atlas cushion covers, atlas, globe, time travel is yesterdays news

H20 Mop x5 - As Seen On TV

It is my usual form to lampoon the heck out of "As Seen On TV" infomercial stuff.

It comes down to the fact that most stuff on infomercials doesn't really work like it does on TV.

For some background and context, feel free to revisit Snuggies and Mr T and the Flavor Wave Alien Incubator.

But here's something wacky, I bought something featured on a TV infomercial (ok, I didn't see the infomercial before I bought it)....

....and I LIKED IT.

Whoah.

Let's get one thing out in the open: I clean when needed, I try not to do it excessively.

I don't particularly like to clean but I enjoy mess less than I enjoy cleaning, if that makes sense.  (huh?)

So, basically I like things that are easy to use and quick to set up.

When I read the instructions and managed to work out which bits went where, it was pretty easy.   

Fill up with water (from the water filter jug in the fridge), plug in, wait for the light to go green and PRESS BUTTON...

Claim #1:  The H20 mop is supposed to steam clean carpets.

Reality:  What the hey?  This crazy crap actually works!
You have to vacuum first of course.  But afterwards it looks pretty much like it did when it was steam cleaned professionally.  The only thing you have to make sure about is spot cleaning first (I use orange oil).
It makes everything much easier.

The attachment used for carpets is the triangular-shaped cloth thingy.  It has velcro on it so it just sticks on and stays there.  You have to try really hard to get it wrong.

Claim #2:  The H20 mop steams sinks and shower heads and stuff
Yep, sure does.  It gets rid of creepy germy gunk in the plug ring.  I don't normally think about stuff like this, but when this stuff came out of the plug and tried to make my acquaintance, I took notice.  Ewwwww!!

Shiny!  Sparkly!  Happy!  Lucky!

Claim #3:  The H20 mop steam cleans bathroom and kitchen floors.

Reality:  Wowee!!  It cleaned the bathroom floor in no time.  This is something that used to take me absolutely ages (at least an hour), mopping, cleaning, drying, going over bits.  The H20 mop cleaned faster than that crazed, speed-addled lady on "There's something about Mary".

Yes.  I do mean Magda.  

Other things I have steamed:

Couch
Curtains
Bath
Shower tiles
Shower head

That was enough for me, everything is all clean and sparkly new!  Yay!


Another wacky fact, it costs over $100 if you get it directly from the infomercial but I got it for under $70. Hahahaaaaa!!!

BUT WAIT... THERE'S MORE!!!!

You get a free set of soup knives,
an automatic muffin grater
and an electronic llama clipper!!

Actually, you don't.  You just get the mop.  But it's pretty good, amazingly.

technorati tags: H20 steam mop, h20 mop, microfiber mop, microfibre mop, steam mop, steam cleaning, carpet steam cleaner