10 apps to make your life calmer and easier

We use apps every day but it's only those select few of these apps that truly become part of our lives. If you were to ask yourself "which apps can't I live without?", the results might surprise you, and the list may be shorter than you think.

There are so many productivity and social media apps that it's difficult to know which are enhancing your life and which of these apps are cluttering up your screen and wasting your time.

If I were to apply the concept of Minimalism when it comes to apps, I'd have none, right? Wrong. 

The apps I choose are based on my interests and my needs and I use each of them to make my life easier and calmer. Notice I didn't say more productive. I'm already hyper-productive, and for me, a complicated productivity app often has the opposite effect.

Some people thrive on waking up to 17 individual nag screens. I am not one of those people. A nagging, multi-faceted productivity app can cause stress and procrastination due to overwhelm. Too many to-do items creates a split focus and can result in not knowing where to start. Not knowing where to start can result in not starting at all. Getting nothing done while being bugged by multiple reminders? Not fun.

And ask yourself this question: when has a hyper-cluttered to-do list and frenzied multitasking made you more productive? I'm not talking about ticking off half-baked tasks and creating a fresh batch of new ones, I'm talking about true, focused productivity that results in quality, not quantity.

I always feel better when my to-do list is empty. The trick is not to fill it up with too much stuff at once.

Productivity

Simple Shopping List

This is my go-to everyday productivity app. I use it for shopping lists and various recipe items but I will also use it for checklist items for other tasks. The biggest test of a productivity app is whether it gets stuff done. If I put something on this list, it gets done.

I often think of this simple list as my backup short-term memory. If I think of something, I put it on the list before I forget about it. I make sure I get it done, and it's gone, never to be seen again. Sometimes, basic is best.

Everything

You can create your own categories in this simple, colourful list app. I see this one as my medium-term memory. This is for projects and longer term ideas. I like this app because it brings a sense of fun to grouping ideas and tasks together. The playful nature of this app makes the list items seem like things I want to do, rather than things I have to do.

Wunderlist

If you want a more full-featured productivity app, Wunderlist is simple, effective and easy to use. I use it mainly for keeping track of birthdays and various other items that require dates and reminders. If my web hosting is due in January, this app will let me know, so I don't have to wonder about it. I basically use this as a calender reminder app. There may be a better one, but I haven't found it yet. 

Reading

Kindle, Moon Reader, AlReader, Aldiko Book Reader, Kobo, Google Play Books

Pictured: Google Play Books
If you read a lot, you might want to add one of these apps to your collection. You can buy most paperback books in ebook format and read on the train, bus, in the park, wherever you like. I don't have a Kindle, however the Kindle app works on any PC or tablet. Just buy the book through Amazon and it will pop up on your Kindle reader. If you use Kobo, IBooks, Barnes & Noble or any of the other ebook sellers, you can use their compatible readers on your tablet, laptop or phone. If you prefer to use an independent reader, the best I have tried are Moon Reader, AlReader and Aldiko Book Reader.

Social Media

Twitter

I don't really see Twitter as a productivity app. It's a place to say whatever's on your mind, play hashtag games and keep up with all that's happening in the world. I use it a lot. Perhaps too much.

Pinterest

I use Pinterest boards to collect decoration ideas, recipes and pictures of cute animals. It's almost like meditation, but with pictures.

Health

Pedometer Pro

This app is great for tallying up steps and calories burned. It syncs with MyFitnessPal and removes the calories from your daily total so you know where you stand with total calories eaten/burned.

My FitnessPal

I don't use this app anymore. Then why is it in this list? Because I used it for a couple of years and it worked so well that I no longer need to use it. It's a brilliant app that gives nutritional information on food as well as calorie totals for the day. I probably will use it again for keeping track of fitness goals rather than food goals. This app syncs beautifully with Runtastic pedometer and you can also set it up to sync with bathroom scales and wearable tech items.

Hydro

Hydro reminds you to drink water. That's it. It also has some useful graphs of water intake over a period of time and it helps to motivate me to drink water regularly. I don't mind this because I always feel better when I get my required water for the day. It helps to clear my head and increase productivity.

Twilight

No, I don't mean the vampire books. Twilight is a screen app that protects your eyes from bright blue light, making it easier on your eyes when you're staring at a screen for long stretches of time. It also helps by modifying the light spectrum that disrupts sleep patterns so you don't stay up all night. I tend to stay up late anyway, but at least I know I haven't got harsh blue light keeping me awake.

How to Stay Calm

Just remember that if an app brings stress to your life, let it go. If it makes your life easier and feels expansive, treasure it.

A Day at the Races

Aintree’s Ladies Day is a huge event on the UK racing calendar and a showcase for some rather outlandish fashions. Perhaps the fact that there is no dress code opens the field (as they say) to more diverse outfits.

Being from Melbourne, I am no stranger to horse racing or having a bet. Most of the time I go by the name of the horse. Sometimes I even win! Some people have their own system when it comes to picking a winner. It can be the colour of the silks or the look of the horse in general. Perhaps you are one of those people who know the name of the jockey or trainer, the history of the horse including the bloodline and what it had for breakfast. Like I said, I go by the name.

To avoid dignity blowout (see my post: 5 mistakes of racing fashion), here are some of my pointers for making a bold but dignified fashion statement at the races:

1. Dresses and skirts – I recommend a hemline just above the knee. Stylish, not too long or too short. Bold is good, but go basic black or neutral on the top to balance it out.
2. Footwear – A good stiletto can add to an outfit, but there is a lot of walking involved on race days: lining up for your lucky bookie, hobbling off to the viewing area and walking over grassy hills to find a nice vantage point. Of course, if the bookie queue gets too long, you can always use your phone to access online betting sites and avoid the rush! Either way, by the end of all this, you’ll be glad you wore flats or at least used some gel inserts!
3. Fascinators are indeed fascinating. A skillful milliner can help you make a show stopping statement, so choose wisely. If you have the kind of gregarious personality that can pull off the Eiffel Tower look, wear it! And wear it well.
4. Fake tan – On white skin, more often than not, fake tan tends to come out orange. If you have pale white skin, you may think it is better to be orange than to be white. Not so. It’s much easier (and more natural) to cultivate the ‘pale and interesting’ look rather than looking like an extra from a Willy Wonka movie!

Whatever you do, remember to be comfortable, stylish, and have a fabulous time!

Minimalism: What it Means to Me

I just finished listening to a podcast by The Minimalists and found it hugely inspiring (and relaxing as well!) I have been interested in minimalism for many years now and to me, it's more of a mindset rather than an aesthetic choice.

For example, in the past year, I have bought very little in the way of "stuff". Sure, a lot of that has to do with conserving funds, but another part of it is the need to focus on who I am and what I'm doing.

Clothing-wise, my purchases have included two pairs of shoes. That's it. Much of my wardrobe has been rediscovered since I decided to throw out my unnecessary stuff. I consider the unnecessary stuff to be clothing I have never worn, clothing I have worn once and clothing that I will never wear (which usually includes items I haven't even looked at for two months or more). When I got rid of all the junk, I found six of my best t-shirts just languishing at the back of my wardrobe. Now they are back in circulation, along with my one main pair of jeans. For more info on my wardrobe adventures, check out 9 Items to Build Your Capsule Wardrobe.

So far, my minimalist goals are coming along nicely. This is the main thing that has worked for me but feel free to modify as you see fit.

Throw Out Five Things Every Single Day 

This is the most useful thing I have done in moving towards minimalism. Most days I manage to throw out between three and five items. They can be anything, I don't set any rules. Things I have thrown out include: socks, items of clothing with holes in them, old packets of tea (from 2006!), old makeup (you should replace mascara and other makeup items every two months to keep things hygienic), old bills (shredded), junk mail and various other stuff.

The fun thing about this is finding a few things to throw out every day. It's manageable and doesn't cause undue stress. Some people throw out one thing a day, others try for more - it's up to you which way you want to go with this. The thing to remember is that you are getting rid of a few things every day - that's the focus.

Things That Went Well

I immediately felt lighter after dropping off a load of good quality, name brand stuff to a charity store. I knew the stuff that didn't suit me was no longer cluttering up my wardrobe and that someone else would benefit from finding a new item of clothing to make them feel good.

I have less things to wash up in the kitchen. All the stuff I use infrequently is stored away and the only things that are left out are the things that I use all the time. A couple of glasses, mugs, minimal cutlery and a few storage containers. There is a lot more space on my bench to do useful things like... cooking stuff.

I got rid of a lot of dust, along with the junk. Dust counts as a thing, right?

Things That Didn't Go So Well

I tried to think of a more positive, empowering way to put this. I've got nothing so I'm going with it. Starting to become more of a minimalist is not without stress. I made the mistake of tackling too much at once so you can learn from this.

My thought process went something like this:

Okay, got to get rid of the rubbish and empty the coffee plunger.
*internal monologue as I'm doing this task*
What about the bathroom floor? It needs a mop. By the way, the mop is busted. You need a new mop. But that's buying new stuff. Maybe use one of those microfibre cloths.

Right, just got to hand wash these t-shirts and hang them up
What's the point? You can't put them back in your wardrobe. It's dusty in there. You'll be sneezing all day. You have to clean out the whole wardrobe and vacuum it and...

I'll just wash out the water filter
Stuff! Books. Get rid of books. Can you sell them on eBay? What about other sites? Oh, but hang on, what about postage. You need to make a profit otherwise there's no point. But what books should be culled? Oh, and they're dusty as well...

You can see how this kind of thinking can quickly lead to overwhelm and the feeling of just wanting to give up. I had to take a break, lie on the couch and decide to do nothing but listen to a few podcasts and stop cleaning for a bit. It helped. Now I understand that you can't do everything at once, and thinking that you can is counterproductive.

What I have taken away from this is to do ONE thing at a time. If that thing is getting rid of five things, I count that as one thing. If that thing is clearing off the kitchen table, then do ONLY that. One thing at a time is the key here. Keep it manageable.

Minimalism is not a Religion

A lot of people seem to get caught up in the "rules" of minimalism. For example:

If you own more than 300 things, you're not a minimalist

If you have an internet connection and a TV, you're not a minimalist

If you don't have an all-white room with two pieces of furniture and a succulent plant, you're not a minimalist

You get the picture. The thing is, Minimalism is not a religion. You don't go to maximalist hell if you only pick the things that work for you. For example, you might be a visual artist, a musician or a fashion designer. Is it a good idea to get rid of all your paints, paintbrushes, instruments, sheet music and fabrics?

It's pretty clear the answer is an emphatic NO.

Minimalism is a tool, not a bizarre ideal or some kind of judgemental monkhood. Minimalism is what you make of it, and you can take the basic concepts and fit it to suit your particular lifestyle.

And anyway, I'm allergic to all-white, polished chrome, veterinarian table chic.

Just call me the Scruffy Minimalist, I guess.

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9 Items to Build Your Capsule Wardrobe

Capsule wardrobes are everywhere. People are curating their wardrobes. Well, what does this mean, you ask? It means stripping everything down to the basics. So, you ask, how do I do this? Where do I start? Don't worry, it's simple. But first, a little background.

Why build a capsule wardrobe?

Minimalism is a movement that advocates getting rid of the things you don't need to make room for the life you want. Sounds simple, right? Well, it kind of is, that's the beauty of it. If you find yourself opening your closet and squeezing your hand between tightly packed hangers wondering if you'll pick out something interesting, you may be in need of a wardrobe clear-out.

What I did (and how you can do it too)

Firstly, I'd like to point out that I'm probably a minimalist at heart. I don't really hold on to "stuff" and I tend to enjoy any opportunity to get rid of unnecessary clutter.

My first step was to yank everything off the hangers one by one. I picked out each item of clothing, took a good look and decided one of three things:

• Option #1: I love it and I wear it all the time
• Option #2: I haven't worn this for over 2 months. Hmm, maybe this isn't my style
• Option #3: What in tarnation heck was I thinking when I bought this? (I'm looking at you, leopard skin leggings!)

So after picking out each item, if the answer was #1, it went into the laundry pile, ready to be washed and hung up in my (now spacious) wardrobe.

If the answer was #2, I put it into the clothing donation bag. It's easier if you put these items straight into a bag rather than letting them gather in a pile on the floor.

As of today, I have released two bags stuffed full of good quality clothing. One of the items was a white peplum top. Never worn, great condition. Somebody will find it at their local op-shop and it will be perfect for them. I am happy for them because it sure as heck didn't suit me!

And finally, if the answer was #3, these items also went straight to the donation bags. The only exceptions were things with holes in them. No op-shop wants a pile of moth-eaten clothing on their doorstep. It's more work for them to get rid of these items and it's probably better karma to throw them in the bin before you make the trip. For example, I had a beautiful black merino jumper from Katmandu. I have worn this jumper all through two (or was it three) winters and it suits me perfectly. Unfortunately, due to my enthusiastic use, it now has three holes on one elbow and four on the other. *Sigh* into the bin it goes.

The basic steps to a clutter-free capsule wardrobe

• Open your wardrobe (Phew! That was the hard part)
• Go through your hangers and pull out everything you haven't worn in the last couple of months
• See what's left (Hint - it's probably the stuff you wear all the time)
• Store the stuff you don't need or want OR donate it!

You may find after your clear out that you don't have as many clothes as you thought. Resist the urge to run out and buy new stuff to fill it up. Give yourself time to live with the new, smaller wardrobe. One of the advantages of having less clothing is knowing that you love absolutely everything in your wardrobe and it takes far less time to decide what to wear!

Things I have discovered since building my capsule wardrobe:

• I no longer have to decide what to wear - no more throwing things back on the hangers and mixing and matching weird looks
• The things in my wardrobe are the things I feel most comfortable wearing - I can comfortably grab anything and know that it will work
• I have released all the clothing that I was never going to wear anyway - it's a lighter feeling every time I open the wardrobe
• Even though I have less stuff, I have more things to wear - I have discovered hidden treasures squished in the far reaches of my hanging space

My wardrobe was stacked so full of hangers that I had to prise apart the layers to see what was in there. After my decluttering adventure, I can now see what I have to wear. I have discovered (or should I say rediscovered) a number of t-shirts that I absolutely love. I am now going through the process of hand washing all of them, one by one and returning them to their rightful place. 

Unexpected benefits of a capsule wardrobe:

• No more illusions - I have less clothing than I thought but that's okay. Before the clear out, my wardrobe had the illusion of being "full", yet I still had nothing to wear. Now I know where I stand.
• Less stress - deciding what to wear in the morning is not all that much fun. Now I know what I'm going to wear. If I happen to wear the same thing a few times, at least I know it's perfect and suits me well.
• More space - now I have more space in my wardrobe and more space to think about the things that really matter in life. I may buy a couple of new basic items but overall, I'm comfortable with my leaner, minimalist wardrobe.

Chemist/drugstore Makeup Bargains

I have tried a multitude of makeup products from the ponciest counter at David Jones and Myer to the $5 displays at the local chemist. I have had custom-made foundations, stick foundations that make you look like an extra in a zombie movie, tinted moisturisers that make you look like you dunked your head in oil, and makeup that looks fine in the morning, only to disintegrate into a bubbling mess at the end of the day.

My previous faves were Revlon New Complexion foundation and Garnier BB Cream, however they never had the right colour for me. Many of my fellow olive-skinned beauty aficionados will understand the frustration of finding a great product only to find nothing in our shade. In my experience, many makeup companies believe that people generally have unusually coloured skin.

I have come up with a few names for the shades I have seen so far:

Vampire White
Coral Calamity
Bizarrely Pink
Sunburned Lobster
Oompa Loompa Orange
Eggplant Nightmare
Questionable Sunbed Accident

Here's a tip for makeup companies - people don't generally have bright pink skin.

Soooo, to make a long story short (too late!) I have found a foundation/tinted moisturiser-type product that actually matches my skin tone.

And the best part? The prices are fantastic.

So without further ado, I unveil... (Get it? Unveil? Argh)

Coral Colours Tinted Moisturiser - Natural Tan

This is the best thing ever. It goes on smoothly, you don't need to use much and it looks totally natural on olive skin. Yippee!


My other great discovery was this amazing Argan Oil Mascara

I have been using argan oil as a beauty treatment but a hidden benefit of argan oil is the ability to help grow and thicken eyelashes (and eyebrows, if you like that sort of thing!)

I am also excited about the expanded range of products that includes BB Cream and other argan oil based products. The company is local to Melbourne (Brunswick) and the prices are phenomenally good.

What to wear to a yacht club

I found myself attending a function at a prestigious yacht club last week, and found myself clueless without the first idea of what to wear. I had never been to a yacht club before but I figured since it was a business function, the best idea was to stick with the basics in business wear. I wore my trusty Asos jacket, my purchase of the year so far. It pretty much goes with anything business-related. However there are other options when visiting a yacht club that might suit a more casual approach.

Dress code (this may change from club to club)

Option 1 - Business attire yacht club look: Asos jacket, crossed striped shirt, black pants, ankle boots. Voila!

The more formal approach is suited to special events where dressing up is a must. A Topshop white blouse, a stylish ASOS blazer, ankle boots and a delicate silver chain necklace is a simple touch to top off the look.


Option 2 - Casual yacht club look:

A typical casual look includes a collared shirt, some Old Navy grey pants, some Vans low top shoes, an Alpina watch and a dash of Giorgio Armani fragrance.

The main things to remember are no bare feet, no thongs, no bathers, no revealing clothing, no big slogans or logos and no hats. If you go with neat casual, you can't really go wrong.

Hipster alert! If you wear a hat, you may find yourself accosted by a grizzled old sea dog demanding that you shout the bar. You have been warned...

What to Wear for a Night in the Casino

Casinos can be dressy places. Sometimes it can be a bit tricky to pick the right outfit. The right outfit will ultimately depend on the Casino itself. For example the bustling atmosphere of a big city establishment will be vastly different to the laid-back atmosphere of a sleepy island town Casino so be sure to do your research first. Many Casinos will have dress codes so plan ahead if you want to make it through the front door!

And now we come to the question of style.

If you really want to make an impression, you can go old school. Think enchanting: James Bond tuxedos, plunging evening gowns and dangerously high heels. This is wonderful in theory, but the idea of tripping over an evening dress and teetering on stilettos does not, in my opinion, make for a good night out.

Conversely, you can go for a more modern approach. This can be anything from tight chic pants and a slinky top to a light summery dress. Personally, I’d go for the more modern approach, mainly due to the comfort factor. When it comes to slinky tops I prefer sparkles. The more sparkles, the better. Who knows, perhaps they’re lucky as well!

Nevertheless, there are some dos and don’ts when choosing the perfect outfit.

Dos:
Be comfortable!
If you’re going to be on your feet wandering from table to table, wear sensible footwear. This doesn’t necessarily mean sacrificing heel height, but test out your shoes to make sure they’ll go the distance.

Don’ts:
Fussy necklines and tops that are tight at the shoulders. If you’re going to be reaching down, counting chips, holding cards and throwing dice, then you need good range of movement in the shoulder area. Go for off the shoulder or sleeveless when it comes to tops.

Black seems to be the preferred choice when it comes to dresses but don’t be afraid to change it it up a little. Black can be a little boring on its own.

The main thing is to be comfortable. If you are having trouble to decide what to wear, you can always play casino online, where you don't have to check the dress codes, and most of all, you can have fun! You will get a great gaming experience and you will find even more games than in a real casino.

Pick of the Day - Zara Two-In-One Casual Knitted Top

Zara Two-In-One Casual Knitted Top

This top from Zara looks warm but sleek, perfect for winter.  It's sold as a casual top, and this may be the case if you pair it with jeans, however this top can easily be dressed up with a pair of slacks or skirt for a more formal approach.  Love this top and I will be stalking it relentlessly.

10 Smoothie Recipes and Green Smoothie Heaven - Magic Bullet

My late night infomercial watching has finally paid off.  I bought the Magic Bullet.

I normally don't watch infomercials unless I want a bit of a laugh.  Well, this Magic Bullet thing made me giggle, but it also made me think, hmmm... maybe I could use one of these things...

So I got it:

Magic Bullet Smoothie Maker

How to use the Smoothie Maker:

Tips to remember -

• Leave 5 or more cm from the top with nothing, not even liquid in it.  
• Make sure the lid is firmly secured
• Blend in quick bursts until desired consistency is reached
• Buy fruit and vegies in bulk, then cut up and freeze in individual Glad bags

For example, I bought an entire pineapple last week (one of those ones that has been cut and cored already).  I cut it up into little wedges (about a couple of cm wide), and froze in batches in individual Glad bags.  Whenever I want a pineapple in my smoothie, I just grab a bag and empty it in the blender.
Another good idea is to buy bunches of grapes, wash them and freeze in small amounts.  You can be creative and do what I did, freeze 5 grapes, a few pieces of pineapple, some papaya and a bit of banana in the same freezer bag.  That way you have a ready-made smoothie whenever you want it.


Ziplock Freezer Bags - your new best friend

LJP's Smoothie Recipes


Green Zinger

Little bunch of spinach
A bunch of pea sprouts, cut into sections
Some small cuts of ginger (
5 small pieces of fresh pineapple
5 red grapes
Coconut water

Blend.

This is a tasty, mild green smoothie.  The ginger and pineapple give it a tropical feel.



Red Papaya Slurpee

Large handful of frozen red papaya (bought fresh, then bagged in Glad ziplock bags)
Coconut water

Blend.

You will find that this recipe creates a smoothie with the exact consistency of a 711 Slurpee, without all the sugar and caffeine.


Pine-Green Smoothie

Little bunch of spinach
Large handful of pineapple
5 small cuts of ginger

Blend.

This one is simple, but tasty and healthy as well.



The following recipes are a guide for making smoothies that taste good and make you feel even better.   Don't use all the ingredients listed, there are far too many.
Instead, choose 2 - 5 ideas from the list (or as many or few as you need!) and mix and match.

Enjoy!


Mix & Match Smoothies

Adrenal Support
(Use 3-5 Ingredients from list)
Ginger
Sprouts
Leafy greens (eg. celery, Spinach, lettuce, parsley, coriander)
Almonds and / or pumpkin seeds / cashews / brazil nuts / pecans
Papaya or dark cherries
Banana
Raw cacao powder
Red and orange vegetables
Flax seeds
Coconut water or water
Or... Almond milk
Pinch of Celtic sea salt


Weight Loss
(Use 3-5 Ingredients from list)
Celery
Grapefruit
Tomato
Chilli
Asparagus
Spinach
Lettuce
Cherries
Grapes
Pears
Cucumber
Lemongrass
Ginger
Unsalted pistachios or sunflower seeds
Papaya
Coconut water or water
Organic coconut oil


Immunity Boost
(Use 3-5 Ingredients from list)
Garlic
Potato (organic)
Banana
Ginger
Brazil nuts
Sunflower seeds
Coconut water or water


Metabolism Boost
(Use 3-5 Ingredients from list)
Almonds
Grapefruit
Whey protein
Avocado
Chilli
Coconut water or water

Vitality AntiOx Shake
Blueberries
Dried Cranberries
Prunes
Strawberries
Cherries
Papaya
Brazil nuts / sunflower seeds / Pecans
Raw Cacao
Coconut water or water


Digestive Enzyme Booster
(Use 3-5 Ingredients from list)
Avocado
Papya
Yogurt
Fresh pineapple
Peaches
Green or red capsicum
Coconut water or water


Skin Glow Shake
(Use 3-5 Ingredients from list)
Cucumber
Celery
Avocado
Tomato / Red Capsicum / Red Chilli
Spinach
Berries
Carrot
Papaya
Apricot
Coconut water or water


Green Machine
(Use 3-5 Ingredients from list)
Kale
Spinach
Broccoli
Celery
Parsley / Coriander
Romaine lettuce
Cucumber
Coconut pieces
Strawberry
Ginger
Apple
Pear
Pineapple
Lemon
Coconut water or water

Image credits CC Public Domain

technorati tags: green smoothie, adrenal fatigue, immunity boost, weight loss, vegan smoothie, raw smoothie, smoothie, fruit smoothie

Gina Rinehart 200M Charitable Donation Email Spam

I received this lovely email from the kind hearted, generous Gina Rinehart.  Looks legit to me.

The only thing that clued me in was this line:  "...which I intend to use for CHARITY".

Gina Rinehart is notoriously tight with money, giving the tiniest percentage to charity compared with other billionaires (such as Bill Gates).  She also has the dubious distinction of withholding money from her own children until they reach the sprightly age of 75.  A great citizen of Australia indeed.

Did you know Gina Rinehart is also a poet?  Her 2012 poem "our future" was not widely acclaimed when it was released.  I can't imagine why.

I will attempt to analyse her poem. In some instances, I will try to interpret the true meaning behind this vast, meaningful work. In other instances I will use pictures. Wish me luck.


Our Future 

The globe is sadly groaning with debt, poverty and strife 
...due to the Global Financial Crisis thanks to Alan Greenspan, George W. Bush, Bernie Madoff and many others who are super rich and super greedy.

And billions now are pleading to enjoy a better life 
I am so glad that Gina has a plan for everyone who wants a better life.  Can't wait to hear it.  Hey wow, strife and life - a rhyme!  This must be a real poem.

Their hope lies with resources buried deep within the earth 
Ah, no.  Digging, exploitation, I knew there was a catch.  Freedom through slavery...  I think I've heard that somewhere before.

  Image credit:  Annabel's House of Books 

And the enterprise and capital which give each project worth 
Sorry, I ranted on so much there that I forgot to stop and appreciate the incredible wordplay of rhyming 'earth' with 'worth'.  This stuff is Gold!! - Pardon the mining pun

Is our future threatened with massive debts run up by political hacks 
Code alert:  She's talking about Labor.  How do I know?  Because I'm PSYCHIC!! 
...and because she is a right-wing redneck loon.
It was Labor who got us through the GFC and saved us from recession.
Then, in 2013/14, the LNP upped the national debt, spent twice as much as the Labor party per day, and even managed to get The Greens to approve this lunacy.  Expect many tears and stern punishments and finger pointing come budget time.  
So, ironically, over a year later, the answer is to Gina's rather prophetic question is "Yes".

Who dig themselves out by unleashing rampant tax 
The mining tax didn't dig anyone out of anything, nor was it rampant.  More like a small speedbump underneath an earth mover.  
I do however appreciate the use of the word dig.  
Incidentally, Gina Rinehart must really hate John Howard and his rampant GST.  

The end result is sending Australian investment, growth and jobs offshore 
Yes, because no billionaire wants to send jobs offshore.  Our billionaires want to exploit workers RIGHT HERE in good ol' Australia...  As long as they don't ask for Australian wages.  Or conditions. 

This type of direction is harmful to our core
Those mining puns again.  Dig, core, what's next?

Some envious unthinking people have been conned 
Code alert:  Envious = Not a billionaire.  
Unthinking? Oh, yes that's right, the people who thought voting LNP in 2013 would be a good idea. Predicting 2013 and 2014 events in 2012.  Gina Rinehart is some kind of Soothsayer!

To think prosperity is created by waving a magic wand 
No actually, it was salvaged by Wayne Swan.  Wow, that almost rhymed!

Now, about that magic wand.  You could try Gina Rinehart's method of prosperity creation:
Step 1.  Be born
Step 2.  Have a Dad who is a prosperous billionaire
Step 3.  Inherit all of billionaire Dad's billionaire assets
Step 4.  Get indignant about all those silly people who think prosperity is created by waving a magic wand


Through such unfortunate ignorance, too much abuse is hurled 
Those educated lefties, they are just so... unfortunate, and ignorant, and abusive.  And... hurly.

Against miners, workers and related industries who strive to build the world
Not so poetic.  Starting to lose the plot a bit here.  Plot? Earth? Did you see what I did there?

Develop North Australia, embrace multiculturalism and welcome short term foreign workers to our shores 
Okay, that's not a line of poetry.  That's some kind of wacky right-wing manifesto.  

Embrace multiculturism? Translation:  import people too scared to complain about conditions and remuneration, then stick them in a miners shed until it's time to rap on the corrugated iron.  But I'm pretty sure nobody has EVER been exploited on a 457 Visa.  They never mentioned it on SkyNews, anyway.

To benefit from the export of our minerals and ores
Read:  For MEEEE to benefit from the export of our minerals and ores

The world's poor need our resources: do not leave them to their fate 
...So we're going to exploit them for $2 a day!  Hey, that almost rhymed too. 

Let's see how contented a miner can be on $2 per 23 hour day.

Yep.  Everything A-OK.  No problem here at all. 


Our nation needs special economic zones and wiser government, before it is too late. 
It was a wise government that got us through the GFC, which was caused by the greed of super-rich people.  We now have Ms Rinehart's version of a "wiser government".  A super greedy, heartless, secretive, economically illiterate, batsh*t crazy, racist, sexist, violent, xenophobic, born-to-rule bunch of despots prone to cronyism and expense rorting.  
Hooray.

A cartoon from The Daily Blog sums up Gina's poem nicely:

Fun facts: Gina Rinehart was nominated for an "Australian Living Treasure 2012" award

Even more fun facts:  She didn't end up winning.




A Haiku by LJP

The ground tilts askew
Soot piles turn gold for Gina
The earth laughs later

technorati tags: Gina Rinehart Poem, Gina Rinehart email, Gina Rinehart spam, Australia, Australian politics, mining, LNP, Mining exploitation

International Talk Like A Pirate Day

Avast ye landlubbers, get below deck or I'll keelhaul ye!

Arrrrrrrrrr!!!

Avast ye!!

Landlubbers!!

Keel.. haul...

Ok, that's about the extent of my pirate vocabulary.  For some reason my pirate impression is a little off.

However, for some unknown reason, if I try to imitate a Scottish accent, it turns out pirate.  Although sometimes I sound like a Scottish pirate with a slight Jamaican accent.  I'm pretty sure that combination isn't a common one, but it's the only one I can do!!

So...

In honour of "International Talk Like A Pirate Day":

The Pirate Ergonomic Keyboard

The pirate vocabulary is large and versatile.  Diverse, eloquent, meaningful.  Here is a short rundown:


LJP's Pirate/English Dictionary 

Arrrr:  Greetings, fellow pirate.

Ar:  Where is my parrot?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr:  I am lonely at sea.

 Arr...?  I find you very attractive.

Arraraarar:  I am mad at you but I can't decide whether to keelhaul you or walk the plank.  This is a tough decision that I do not take lightly.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr:   Stand by to board incoming vessel.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrragaaaaa:  Scuttle the ship me hearties!

AAAARHARHAHRHAHRHHAHHHAGGGGGGGGHHHHHAAWAWAWAAAAAAA:  Tony Abbott.

Pirate Memo Clip Note Holder


Hear ye, avast ye, and forget ye not, here is the best way for modern pirates to communicate with other pirates.  Plan raids, count your plunder and compare eye patches with this modern method of communication:  Sticky Paper!!  Arrrr.

Pirate Fancy Dress Costume

Remember, less is more.  Or is it more is more?  Maybe more parrots is more.  Less eyeliner perhaps, we've overdone the Captain Jack Sparrow thing.

It's well known that pirates didn't wear eyeliner, they wore blusher made from the blood of their conquests.  Or something...

Just remember, beardy, patchy and cutlassy and blunderbuss-y.

Also remember there is a veeeery fine line between seaworthy cred pirate dude and Adam Ant in the Higwayman film clip.  It's a fine line and I suppose it really depends what sort of party you're going to...  It's up to you...

Pirate Drinks Cooler

This is a contentious one because ice was in short supply on the high seas unless of course you managed to hit an iceberg.  And drinks that required cooling of any kind were a little impractical since the lower decks contained chained men, sheep's dung, one mouldy orange, a barrell of rotgut and a door that you never, I repeat, never opened.

I'm pretty sure pirates drank some kind of 175% proof Black Skull Label Rum that makes your eyes water and gives you the ability to see the past and future simultaneously while completely skipping the present.  It also assists you in understanding what your parrot is really saying to you.



And finally...

Pirate iPhone Case

Because pirates like, had so many like iPhones...  'cause GPS and stuff.  Like how would they have gotten around?  GPS app like I don't know, it was a really old one, like from the 80s?   Yeah, 'cause if they didn't have computers how did they steal series 5 of Breaking Bad?  Duh.. ... I swear... so dumb...

technorati tags: pirate, pirate iphone, international talk like a pirate day, pirate keyboard, pirate drinks cooler, pirate costume, Adam Ant, Tony Abbott, pirate iphone, talk like a pirate, arrr

Time To Find The Loan Arranger

You may have been watching the news recently and noticed with interest (hee hee!) that interest rates have dropped to an almost unheard of 2.5%, dropping 25 basis points.  This means that the interest rates of today, in 2013, are actually the lowest recorded interest rates since 1959.

So, what does that have to do with me, you might ask.  Well, there's this thing called the "Australian Dream", the dream of owning one's own home.  The advantages are numerous, including the ability to renovate at will, not having to keep shifting stuff from one place to another, and best of all, no inspections!!

But I digress.

What I actually mean is that this might just be a good time to get your first home loan and lock in a low interest rate with a building society with low interest rates like Newcastle Permanent.  Customer service reviews show that they actually answer the phone when you call so you don't have to speak to a robot every time you call up.  I appreciate that kind of attention to detail, it makes all the difference when you really want to get some information quickly.

At this point in time, you can get a fixed rate mortgage for your first home with a set period for the fixed rate of between 1 and 10 years.  Or you can go for the variable option, depending on your requirements, it's a very personal thing so it's really up to you which way you go.

For first home buyers, you need around 5-10% deposit of the total purchase price, which is a sensible amount, and first home buyers may also be eligible for the first home buyers grant scheme.  This grant provides a boost for anyone wishing to purchase their first home.

The site has a bunch of useful tools including a loan calculator and graph facility, to let you know what your rate and repayments would be over a chosen time period.  You can choose from 10-50 year terms, although a lot of people tend to fall somewhere in the middle of these numbers, for example 25 years or so.  It all depends on how quickly you want to pay off your home and how you can arrange your budget to do so.

For example, I tried out a hypothetical loan, $320,000 (which is a reasonable amount for a humble blogger such as myself), 10 year fixed rate home loan and a payment period of 25 years.  The results are below:

I think I could manage that quite nicely. And I suppose if I can do it, there's a high likelihood that you probably can too.

It's quite fun playing around with the options on the calculator. I estimated repayments on a 2,000,000 loan over 50 years, and then over 10 years. That's just how I roll.

You could try it yourself with figures that apply to your situation and see what the results are.

All in all, judging by the current interest rate situation, it is pretty clear that at this very moment in time, harking back to other golden era's in interest rates, now is probably one of the best time to set up your first home loan. After all, you only get two 1959s in a lifetime!

Astronomical Gifts

The theme today is "SPACE!"  What kind of space, you say?  Surface space?  Room space?  Yard space?

No, I'm talking about space itself.  You know, the great unknown, the heavens, universes, mutiverses, string theory, brane (M-Theory), quantum physics and did you know that we're not really here but exist in many dimensions at once and we're all made of material that fits on something smaller than the head of a matchstick.

...sorry, got a bit carried away there.  Back to the pretty stuff:

When I was a kid, I created a "Starlight Zone" display on my ceiling, replicating the solar system in orbit.


Can we possibly improve on this?  Um,... yes.


Japan Trend Shop and friends have come up with the R2D2 star projector.  Over 60,000 stars, X-Wings, Tie Fighters, Star Wars characters and hours of fun.  And it runs on AA batteries, just like the real R2D2 (?!?!?) tee hee!!

R2D2 Planetarium Projector

The lovely people at Vintage Confections / The Original Planet Lollipops have out-nerded the lolly gods and created a brilliant set of solar system lollipops.

The Original Planet LollipopsTM Solar System

And just when you thought the awesomeness had finished...


Some folks believe the earth is flat.  Still.  Well, they don't believe in climate change, anyway.  Some believe dinosaurs didn't exist, despite fossils and stuff.

Despite human stupidity, science has provided us with a few tips.  The earth isn't the centre of the universe, orbits are ellipses, not perfect circles, and a big-assed meteorite probably wiped out the dinosaurs.  Don't believe me?  Here's proof that stuff from outer space ends up hitting the earth at some point or other...

Meteorite

Apparently, some meteorites being sold online are not genuine meteorites.  I know, shocking, right?  So how do you check if your meteorite is the real deal?

According the the knowledgeable people at Aerolite, these are the things to look out for:

1 - If it sticks to a magnet, it could very well be a meteorite.  It's not a guarantee but it helps!
2 - If it has holes in it (or 'vesicles') or is porous/grainy it's probably not a meteorite.
3 - If is H-E-A-V-Y, much heavier than normal rocks of a similar size, it probably is a meteorite.

Otherwise, you might just have a normal rock that's been spray painted silver or a piece of hematite.  Which, although pretty, kind of defeats the purpose of having an extra-terrestrial rock in the first place!



What space stuff would be complete without the answer to one of the most important questions in the universe... "Are we alone?"

Yeah right, we live on a planet the size of a speck of specky specky stuff in a big specky ball of universe-y stuff and we think we're the only ones?

It's funny how the skeptics tend to lean towards us being alone in the universe/multiverse/multi-multi-megaverses when the law of averages says its more likely we're not alone.

Oooh, spooky.  No, not really, just logic.

Anyway, the truth is out there in the form of.... Alien soap!!!

The folks at Bubblegenius have come up with a rather amusing gift basket in the form of... Alien abduction!!!

Alien Abduction Soap Gift Basket

Please note that no cows were harmed in the making of this gift basket.  Literally.  It's vegan.  And they glow in the dark!  The cow doesn't glow because it hasn't been irradiated by the aliens yet.

I can't say that it's going to be a particularly vegan experience for the real alien abduction cows though... Did I just say that?  Uh oh...

Nothing to see here...

Thingy Whatsitcalled

***Zap!!!***

What was I talking about?

Dang...

technorati tags: astronomy, space, aliens, alien abduction, gifts, novelty soap, meteorite, how to spot a meteorite, galaxy, space theme

Foodp*rn and How Australia Lost It's Bullsh!t Detector

Foodporn is something I was not aware of up until recently.  (Hello, Pinterest!)

Every time I have studied pictures and recipes of "Thai Curry" or "Shiitake Stir Fry" I have been watching foodp*rn.  Who knew?  I love food, and apparently foodporn as well.  I suppose there are worse vices than collecting images of the perfect pasta bake.

So what does that have to do with Australia and bullsh!t detectors?

A while ago, but not too long ago, there was this thing called a "restaurant".  When you got hungry, you turned up at a "restaurant" and because you were in Melbourne, the erstwhile capital of good food, pretty much everything was nice quality, cheap and didn't give you food poisoning.

You could even go to a restaurant and be handed a menu instead of getting it Ninja thrown at the side of your face and one could have a smoke after the meal without freezing one's proverbial off.

But then something happened...  Something that needs to be addressed, stopped and reversed immediately on pain of death.  

A Fish and Chip shop became a "Fish and Chippery", which gave the owner licence to turn a massive $2 butcher's paper roll of gargantuan chips into a dinky twerpy little folded box with 12 chips in it.  For $5.

They started calling places "Boumerange" instead of restaurant so they could charge $9.50 for a scone.
...and I don't even like scones.

Just the other day at a nice looking establishment I ordered a muffin that was doughy and uncooked, and pretty much inedible, but for some reason I was supposed to bask in the rare privilege of being seen in the luminous presence of a hideously overpriced dogbox, and it would have made no difference had I complained because they were all out the back watching Masterchef on their iPads.

So somewhere along the way it stopped being about making food that customers actually liked, and became about the "Head Chef" (formerly known as a "Chef") trying to work out his signature dish so he can get a Michelin star one day in the near distant never never never ever.

And now restaurants have gone from cosy, welcoming eateries to some kind of futuristic veterinarian's operating table so you have to strain trying to see the menu properly with the sun gleaming off 10 metres of burnished steel that is powerful enough to signal the "Spirit of Tasmania" on its return journey.

On top of this, you have the indignity of having to dress up like a sulfur crested cockatoo in mating season to get the waiters to notice you signalling them, and by that stage you have given up and gone to Bakers Delight.

The irony of being treated like crap by someone who is being exploited for $8 and hour cash-in-hand under the table, just so they can say they work at "Wankella By The Bay" and presumably impress someone who gives a rat's arse is beyond any kind of logic.

So what happened?  We became try hards.  That's right.  Ponces.  Twerps.  Snobs, dorks, pretentious bogans.  There's probably no going back now, at least for those already compromised.

Perhaps it was the introduction of Foxtel to Australia.  Foxtel brought us American game shows, talk shows, cooking programs, reality shows, fear (I mean "current affair") shows and "Fair and Balanced" (aka. "propaganda") news reporting.

Can it be all traced back to Rupert Murdoch, who, through the medium of TV, newspapers and more TV, is attempting to turn us into American talk show audience members from "Donahue".  Possibly?

I'm not quite sure of the exact connection but I'm sure it's there somewhere.

The United States on the other hand, has developed shows like "Mad TV" and "Reno 911", demonstrating not only a rudimentary understanding of irony, but a full mastery, worthy of Blackadder's finest hours.

Australia is fast losing its sense of irony, sarcasm, wit and ridicule in favour of ignorance, apathy and cashed-up-bogan-ness.

The world is upside down, it seems.

Oh and just to add insult to injury:

McDonalds and Dominoes have "head chefs" apparently (yes, his name is Joshua and he has a rather virulent strain of acne), and these "restaurants" now have "SIGNATURE DISHES".  I had to write that in capitals just so you could read the start of the sentence again and try and put it with the end of the sentence without banging your head on the nearest table.

So... to clear up a few points...

No, I'm not into the "Slow Food" movement, I actually just need to cook this for a long time because that's how the recipe goes.

I do not want "Smashed Potatoes" ferfuggssake!!  It's a potato that has been squashed.  If you tell me it tastes any different I will test out the theory that plates of smashed potatoes hurt more than plates of mashed potatoes when thrown at someone's face.

I like sun dried tomatoes.  I think the distinction "semi-dried tomatoes" is taking it a bit too far.  They look the same as the sun dried ones but cost $2 more a kilo.

I don't really want any quinoa.  Or kwweeenwaaaaahhhhh!!  Or however the crap you say it.  I don't even like porridge and I will probably like it less with the introduction of a grain that tastes weird and soapy unless you soak in under a banana leaf for 14 hours and wash it with baboon tears until clean.

A barista is another word for "wanker".  I don't care how many times you get the "perfect drip", you are one.

Let me reiterate:

You-make-coffee-in-a-coffee-shop.

And finally, I will most definitely be skipping the "Marinated Feta With Bush Dust".  I mean seriously, I love feta.  But bush dust?  It conjures up images of bulls, dust and the inevitable movements of bulls after eating too much grass.  Perhaps the bull made the mistake of eating "Grass Jus With Strawberry Cow Pat Couli", I suppose that would explain the urgency.

I will leave you with a memory of what Australia once was, and perhaps a brief glimmer of what it could become, if we just put down the truffle mandolin and start again:

technorati tags: bullshit meter, masterchef, foxtel, murdoch, fast forward, sbs lady, restaurant, truffle mandolin, phat phuc noodle bar