I bought this comedy video from Amazon.uk - "Father Ted" (Best Of) $39.95



When I first saw this show advertised on Foxtel I thought it was one of those tedious pastoral dramas.

Boy was I wrong!!

I watched an episode on British TV's Top 100 Funniest Moments and I couldn't believe what I was seeing....



I can't even describe it. It was like complete bedlam. Mrs Doyle (the housekeeper) falling off the roof in the background while Father Ted and Father Dougal have a conversation.
A Hamster riding around underfoot, a drunken priest who speaks mainly four words:
FECK, ARSE, DRINK, and GIRRLS.

It reminded me of comedies in the spirit of The Young Ones, or Blackadder, or Red Dwarf. But maybe better. That's saying a lot.

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Here are some famous quotes from the series:

Father Ted (1952-1998)

Ted: I'm not a fascist. I'm a priest. Fascists dress up in black and tell people what to do. Whereas priests...
...More drink!

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Father Dougal

Ted: It's not as if everyone's going to go off and join some mad religious cult just because we go off for a picnic for a couple of hours.
Dougal: God, Ted, I heard about those cults. Everyone dressing in black and saying our Lord's gonna come back and judge us all!
Ted: No... No, Dougal, that's us. That's Catholicism.

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Ted: Maybe he's agoraphobic.
Dougal: Jack? Scared of fighting? I don't think so, Ted!

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Mrs Doyle

Mrs Doyle: Won't you have some cake, Father? It's got cocaine in it. Oh no, hang on, it's not cocaine, is it. What do I mean now? - the little things... Raisins!

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Father Jack

Jack: Drink! Feck! Arse! Girls!

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Jack: ARSEBISCUITS!

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I don't know what else to say except go and buy it. You will never look back.

ARSE!!!

Technorati Tags: father+ted father+jack feck arse drink girls mrs+doyle dermot+morgan comedy dvd

Oy Veh again.

I have taken all the AdBrite ads off my site. Every time I opened my blog I saw this massive box with "Your Ad Here" glaring back at me.

It told me two things:

1. My site looks unattractive with the massive ad text sticking out
2. Nobody can click on the ads because they aren't there yet

point 2. led me to point 3. I'm not getting paid anything from AdBrite.

Not only that, but due to time limits my previous earnings were disappearing day by day like a wheat field in a locust plague.

Still, AdBrite is the best ad thingy I've used so far. My earnings were 15c from Commission Junction, $2.20 from AdBrite (rapidly decreasing as we speak), and an incredible 1c from Google AdSense (Oops!! listens at door for sound of approaching secret service dudes!)

It's strange, AdBrite used to have ads appear after about 24 hours and then you would always have a full block of ads. But now they have skyscrapers etc. (much like AdSense) but they have rarely been filled with anything except for "YOUR AD HERE" in huge garish letters. I haven't had an ad click since late October 2006.

I'm still researching which are the best ads to use. So far I have found that "click" ads are preferable rather than "click and sign up then buy something then I get paid" ads.

I will put the ads back if I can find out what the problem is. If not, I will continue to search for ads that result in a cheque rather than high blood pressure.

Technorati Tags: adbrite ad+brite google adsense no+ads commission+junction affiliate+ads

Birthday weekend just gone. Forgotten basic necessities such as sleep, food and exercise.
Unless you count beer as a food group... and count scooting from one pub to the next one "exercise"...

So... it's Sun Chlorella to the rescue!



This stuff works. It definitely does something and makes me feel quite a lot better.

The taste? Hmmm.

If you could only see my expression when I'm trying to munch on these!!



I usually get them from Bionatural because they deliver in record time. Better than buying them on Ebay.

Normally $47.50 for a pack of 300

I'm off to wash my mouth out.

Technorati Tags: drawings sun chlorella bionatural detox drunk birthday

Has this ever happened to you??

I had another dream in html. And it's happened on more than one occasion. Not only is it disturbing but it says something about me. I'm not exactly sure what. The word NERD comes to mind.

I have been using computers since I was 7 years old. And they have never really troubled me that much. Until CSS came along and my head imploded. And HTML still gives me goose bumps.
Don't get me started on Windows XP.

But.... I decided rather than wallow in slash squigglything pointy arrow confusion, I'd get a couple of books from the Technical Book Shop.

CSS Web Design for Dummies by Richard Mansfield (RRP $39.95)

And...

HTML 4 for Dummies by Deborah S. Ray and Eric J. Ray (RRP $23.95)

It's good to have a beginner's mentality when learning, even when you think you know it all. That's why I like "for dummies" as a title.

The reality of these books is that they make sense and are easy to follow. The HTML 4 one in particular is good at de-mystifying the whole deal.

Compare it to say, Microsoft Access - the official "user's guide" that comes with the program.
You might as well try and decode the Rosetta stone. Or find Bigfoot.

It tells you everything you need to know, providing you

1. Know where to look (needle in haystack, perhaps?)
2. Are an expert in Microsoft Access and assisted with the creation and implementation of the program
3. Have enough money to call the Microsoft $$$$$ help line.

After leafing through these dummies books my mind is at rest.
I expect to have < / and { free dreams tonight.

Technorati Tags: drawings html css for+dummies books microsoft+XP microsoft+access+user+guide nightmare

nightmare

I went bra shopping last week. I forgot how much I hate bra shopping.

Do not. I repeat. Do not go bra shopping in "boutique" (spew!) shops in places such as Chapel Street and Toorak Road unless you are suicidal and want something to tip you over the edge.

I was "assisted" by a scrawny bag of bones that looked at me like I was something from outer space to be studied and tested.

The anomaly? Er...I have breasts.

And shopping in a bra shop. WHAT NEXT?!?!?!

Her blank blue eyes appraised me coldly. "Well...um. We can perhaps do a fitting for you"

Her saccharine-drenched tones cut through me like glass.

No bloody thank you. I do not want to be subjected to prodding and poking by a Paris Hilton-esque greyhound-shaped, solarium-toughened, over-attentive Y-gen.

She proceeded to hand me the most hideous bras I have ever seen in sizes I had never heard of. Baffled, I checked the bra I was wearing and concluded that the shop must have moved up all the sizes to make people freak out and go on the Atkins diet.

The bra that she handed me looked like a suit of armour. Bright purple with flowers on it.

Seriously. You could have used it for a tent.

The bras in styles that I kind-of liked seemed to be made for 10 year old boys, Paris Hilton and Olive Oyl.

Not that there's anything wrong with small breasts, but if you look more like this:



than this:



then you will probably have a problem finding anything decent in these shops.

I came to the conclusion that the the way to buy bras is to do it the old-fashioned way. Go to the lingerie section at Myer and speak to the nice old ladies in the fitting department.

I think it's much more reassuring to be measured by somebody who has a lot of experience in the quantum physics that is bra fitting.

Personally, I have always liked the Elle Macpherson range. It has some great styles that are beautiful and well designed.

Bendon seems to have a handle on what works and looks good.


And if you get a fitting by someone who knows what they are doing, you can't go wrong.

Technorati Tags: bras lingerie fitting Paris+Hilton Salma+Hayek Olive+Oyl Elle+Macpherson Bendon Myer Chapel+St